Friday, April 20, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Peer Pressure
Trying times… One of the biggest obstacles I would have to overcome is socialized peer pressure. We live in a location that worships meat especially pork and LOTS of it…everything is cooked in pork or pork fat and fried.
It’s true you can choose not to eat or have those foods but it’s socially acceptable here to eat that way and it’s pored over into big business. There are vegetables here and fruits however they are not of the best quality. The few places we can get them they also can be costly.
I’ve discovered in my local area within about fifty miles or so I believe there may only be two farmers markets and they are very small nothing like some of the bigger markets you sometimes see in large cities. I’ve also noticed that there are only about two health food stores or organic stores in the area.
Amazing!!! Why do I find that amazing well I guess it’s really not but you look around at the people whom surround you and everyone is overweight and sick for one reason or another.
Not to mention they have frequent festivals or parties to celebrate food. Good lord!! Okay so I did grow up here and I knew by choosing a new diet I would definitely be going against the grain but it makes it hard. It’s like climbing an uphill mountain all the way I’ll never get to go down the hill or at least it doesn’t seem like it right now!
I am not sure what or how I’ll overcome these HUGE obstacles but we’ll see. It’s them or me and at this point my life is priceless and because of that I should go to any lengths to make a difference. Who knows maybe I’ll change someone else’s life in the meantime.
Last Hoorah!
Today is one of the worst day’s I’ve had in months.
I was born and raised as a Catholic Cajun and I remember when I was young our family tradition was to have pizza every Friday. We did it so often as children we had grown to expect it. However, come February we knew that it was that time again; lent. It was a family agreement that during lent we gave it up completely so then we would have meatless Friday’s. I still hold true to meatless Fridays during lent my parents in fact have meatless Wednesdays and Fridays.
In age I had come to think that Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras as we celebrate was the day before six whole weeks of restrictions. Why is this important at this point? Well we just started lent.
However, the most important part of this is the lesson it’s taught me. I’ve learned that before I am to restrict myself I have to get every little thing in so that I may not miss it so much when it’s gone. I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s another huge part of my initial denial and food battle.
With that being said for about six months I had already started weaning myself off of fast food because it’s just not appealing to me mentally anymore so I don’t eat it as often. Now there are times when I find that I am in a pinch and have no choice but I try to make better choices. Not all the time does this work sometimes I just say I don’t care and eat a burger.
This is all part of me learning how my mind body and soul are one. It’s a struggle! Honesty hurts! Not only have I decreased fast food significantly I’ve also decreased my meat intake significantly and almost down to maybe a pound a week since my juicing fast.
This was a good time for me to stop ignoring the truth. But of course I’m stubborn I am infatuated with all the wrong things it seems.
About a week ago was my son’s birthday and holding to my own tradition of making birthday dinners by request of those I love I made his favorite barbeque. Lots and lot’s of barbeque enough to feed a family of four for about a month.
So, I had convinced myself like Mardi Gras this was going to be our last hoorah before we go hard and I had to eat all the meat I could stand before I let it go so I wouldn’t miss it when I have to leave it behind.
MISTAKE!! For about a week I’ve eaten meat meat meat meat.
Now let me explain what I already knew my body was capable of if I did something so barbaric. I have not been officially diagnosed with anything we use combined research, results, and some doctor input to try to figure out what my problem is. I know that is a dam shame but it’s the truth. I have become my own genuine pig so to say. Here’s what happens I eat meat and it gets compacted in my intestines and colon I can feel it putting huge amounts of pressure on my entire tummy area. Then it seems to work harder at trying to dispose of the compacted waste and causes even more pain from the contracting or (IBS) sensations that push into the holes in my intestines or diverticulosis areas this then will produce random stabbing sensations. It’s so compacted and basically stuck that I can feel it moving and it’s the craziest feeling it reminds me of when I was pregnant. This is where it really goes bad as if the stabbing pain, moving belly, and constipation weren’t enough I get a unbelievable headache/migraine and I am so sleepy. I don’t want anything to do with anyone or anything all I want to do is lay in bed and sleep.
By my own accounts of the spikes in issue’s I see how it all relates now it’s like a huge puzzle I’ve started to piece together.
I absolutely without a doubt know how to solve the puzzle and put myself back together but I’m weak in this moment.
The pain is so severe and the sickly feelings then make me depressed.
VICIOUS CYCLE…you see how real this is in this very moment I am so sick I cannot stand myself and why?
Because I had that one last hoorah! …NO party is fun if you spend the next day nursing a hangover!
I have used and I’ve heard reference to “I am only human” it’s meaning meant to insinuate that we are capable of mistakes.
Though I realize there is no one perfect and I get the reference but for the sake of this being just about ME at the moment from this point on I am going to refer to only myself as being imperfect.
This is part of my insecurities, self-doubt, and lack of honesty with myself. Learning not to compare myself to others is important in my journey to healthiness no one person has the exact same blue print or plan so we should not compare ourselves to anything.
I AM ONLY TAHNYA…. I was designed to make mistakes they are part of my life’s lesson in teaching me to be a better person.
Today I can admit my last hoorah is a huge failure on my part in becoming a healthier person. I have lots of negative outside issues and influence right now and the physical me is definitely suffering.
I have to do something about ME. I have to stop wallowing in self-pity, hoorah’s, denial, and anything else that is holding me back and move forward.
I clearly have the ability to fight the good fight I cannot let a mistake take away from me all I’ve gained.
When I am feeling well I often tell my family that I cannot let all the pain be in vain!
In my complete dizzy of emotions today I know there is a way I have seen it and can get back there if I just focus. To give myself some credit I have just about completed our menu planning for the week it was harder than I had expected in light of trying to go partial Vegetarian. I will print our grocery list and go shopping. We’ve been preparing for this moment for some months now.
We started first by removing all “unclean” foods from our home we donated and threw away anything that was old or unusable. We then removed everything from our freezers and cleaned the fridge as well. I read somewhere that it is important to remove temptation if it’s not there then you won’t be so inclined to want some.
HAHA! Temptation is horrifically evil.
I’ll save my temptation story for some other day. I’m off to shop!
I love to shop and I’ll use my pain to fuel me in getting it all done so I can finally relax with a great big salad and a delicious ice-cold fresh-juiced juice!
Fighting the Evil Within
It appears that some of my worst fears have come true I have to change the way I eat and I have to give up/reduce the meat in my diet.
Am I scared? Of course I am I have never imagined life without a steak or fried chicken.
There is something quite humorous about this whole thing and you are probably thinking what could be funny about any of this? About seven years ago I met my soul mate that at the time was partial vegetarian. I remember saying I’m making a pork chop sandwich for dinner when we spoke and the silence was so thick you couldn’t even cut it because we lived on two ends of the spectrum when it came to food. I used to think hum I am not sure how this will work out but love prevails and it’ll be okay. I’m so passionate about food I converted my soul mate back to eating meat. We have over the years laughed about how it all went down and it was completely unexpected. I just know how too cook pretty dam good I always say. Now, when I go to the store I purchase excess amounts of fruits and vegetables. I cook very little meat and now the tables have turned.
First it started with “clean foods” I did some reading and discovered that a lot of the preservatives that I was ingesting are bad for me and almost all of them cause cancer. I’m absolutely guilty of convenience foods I do not use a lot of boxed or premade goods but stuff like biscuits or cake mix from scratch was something I had believed to take up too much time and effort. I have made them on occasion from scratch and didn’t think it was possible on a daily basis to make them that way all the time. Now, I know I can minimize the time and still make everything from the basics so I know what is going in my food to start with.
Second I decided that I was going to go partial vegetarian. Not only because it was hurting me but I read and saw something’s that gave the inside story on how host animals are treated before consumption and it made me absolutely sick to my stomach. When your body goes into shock it naturally shots out toxins as a defense mechanism so the meat we are ingesting is not only filled with loads of hormones but toxins from going into shock. We agreed that if we absolutely had to have meat we’d choose organic or certified hormone free meats. We agreed to reverse the food pyramid and consume 73% fruits and veggies 10% grains and pasta, 10% beans and nuts, 5% healthy fats, and 2% to 0% animal products.
When I did the juicing fast I lost almost 20lbs in a week and felt like a new person. I know that a dietary change is the best direction for me and I realize that only a drastic one will make a difference in life or death for me.
Will I have moments of weakness of course I will I am human and I’m teetering on the weakness pitfall as is but I think if I can focus on the basics and remind myself that I can do it then I will in fact be able to accomplish fighting off the evil within and becoming a new person.
Nothing is certain when you feel like things are bleak for you the only thing that you can truly do is “put your big girl panties on” and fight till the end. I have a legacy to fulfill… I have an obligation to be a mother to my son whom I love with all my heart.
If I allow myself to perish now so early in life he wouldn’t be able to say I tried. Here’s too a new ME!
What's Next ??
Whew. After all that could there possibly even be a next? Well sure there is sometimes it just takes us a little bit longer to realize that there is not only a next but also a new beginning. I mean what is food anyway? Well truth is we cannot sustain life without it we have to consume some sort of food to live. What happens when one of the most important things that you need to survive tries to kill you? Well you decide that you can let it kill you are you can fight back.
I am absolutely passionate about food love to cook it love to eat it love to serve it. Is that okay? Well of course it is we should be passionate about what we need to survive shouldn’t we? The problem is that I’ve been looking at it all-wrong.
Yep, that is right I was completely wrong. It’s like living a lie…deception at it’s worst. I’ve let others deceive me and I’ve in turn started deceiving my self into believing that nothing is wrong with me or the foods I choose to eat.
REALITY CHECK…. even though I could make that chopped beef taste like a million bucks it didn’t make me feel like a million bucks it made me feel like I was penniless. You know when someone tells you go with your “gut” feelings… they don’t literally mean your gut but instead your instinct your intuition that something isn’t right. It’s ironic that we use the word “gut” to mean something not quite in line with what it really is but when our “gut” really has a feeling we completely ignore it. GUILTY…I’m so guilty of ignoring my GUT! I’ve been ignoring it for years and years.
I eat meat lots of meat, I eat sugar lots of sugar, I used to drink lots of soda and all this time my gut has been saying STOP and I’ve blatantly ignored it.
When you are sick and tired and no one seems to give a dam anymore you become a prisoner in your own mind and the only thing to do is to get in touch with all your senses. I’ve come to realize that I should not be depending on someone else to save my life if I am completely capable of saving it on my own.
You cannot expect others to do for you what you wouldn’t do for yourself right? RIGHT!
So, here I am wondering what am I not doing for myself that could be killing me? Obviously it has something to do with food because every single time I eat or drink I get severely ill. I admit I went through denial I didn’t want to believe that food something I cared about so much could be killing me.
Seriously food? It just seems so wrong. I had to prove myself wrong that the negative thoughts and reactions had to be bogus. It was all part of my imagination.
WRONG! I happened upon a wonderful man my chiropractor he was into healthy living. He believed and reinstated a lot of my own theories. He told me what no other doctor had found them self-saying “you my dear are fat!” WOW, I am what? Ok doctor I get it but what does it really have to do with anything? So what I’m fat but I’m healthy overall and have never had so many problems in my thirty something years with my health. No high blood pressure, No cholesterol issue, No sugar diabetes, I’m not on twenty different prescriptions I’m healthy! Well the rest of that conversation not only made sense it was a truth on an entire new level. It doesn’t matter that I have no chronic health problems to date or that I could run circles around skinny people.
The problem is that no matter where I go people judge me based on how I appear other than what is inside of me.
GASP! Judging the book by its cover is a huge rule how dare anyone judge me based on the fact that I’m fat in appearance.
Well, if you can relate to anything I’ve said up until this point and you are fat guess what you are being judged! Sadly, by the very people that are not supposed to judge you but instead to give you a fair analyst. That specialist whom you saw for the first time before he even looked at your chart or your vitals or asked about your medical history he had a preconceived theory of who you were based on your appearance.
Could things of gone differently in my story if I was skinny instead of being fat? Well I suppose I may never know. Now, I am well aware of why obesity is an issue in this country and I know it’s a vicious cycle. The government gives us endless supplies of cheap unhealthy food, doctors charge us insane prices to supposedly get well by unapproved medications, and then we are caught in this vicious unending cycle of no return. But, I really don’t care to talk about the shortcomings of our social systems.
What is important at this point is that I realize they are all involved for one thing my MONEY even if it cost me my life in exchange! My lovely chiropractor said to me “if you lose the weight you wont need medications and you will feel so much better!” I thought well if that is true I am willing to give it a try but I don’t want to give up food? I love food how can I do this without giving up food? Is it possible? Of course it is! In addition to my struggles with pain I had to struggle with emotions that I never thought I’d have to experience.
Pain therapy isn’t great matter o’ fact its horrific! I used to tell my family if I got sick and had to be hospitalized tell them if I don’t seem to be getting better to hook up a Route 44 Cherry Dr Pepper to my IV and I’ll come around in no time! Imagine how I felt when I couldn’t have it anymore. I felt like I had literally lost my best friend. It soothed me when I was depressed; it got me going when I was moving slowly, it made me smile when I was sad and now it’s gone.
My love affair with soda has fizzled out and turned flat! .. ha-ha Time to test the theory…I’ve noticed here and there some foods and the effect on me and just completely eliminated them from my diet depending on how much pain is created by consumption decides how fast I give it up. Soda was the easiest and first to go even though I had such a huge love affair with it the pain it caused was so severe I couldn’t continue drinking it.
I then noticed I was having issues with meat. GASP! I love meat it cannot be possible! I must warn you at this point I’ve done lots of research and I am in tune with my “gut” I try to ignore it but I’m telling you it won’t let me. It not only talks back it knocks me off my feet. I’ve been listening to my gut reactions, reading, researching, and finding out as much as I can on the issue. I started to notice that I was starting to become uninterested in a lot of my food favorites like chocolate and meat to name a few. I reminded myself when my body gets sick it tells you too slow down so it can heal like when you get a fever if you’ve got a fever it’s because you’ve got some sort of infection but you wont slow down until you realize you have a fever.
I’ve discovered that the most important weapon to save my own life is my body. It’s giving me queues and telling me what to do and I’ve been ignoring it so much that I’ve about killed myself. It’s a slow unsuspecting suicide. Would you put a gun to your head and pull the trigger? Then why fill my body with sugar and processed foods that are doing the same thing only via some sadistic torturing method.
DAM it! … Now it’s time to do something about it already. So, what did I do to test the theory? I saw this very inspirational movie that motivated me to try something different. I did a juicing fast for three days and fruits and vegetables only for a total of five days.
Was it easy HECK NO…I kept thinking I just want to put a piece of meat in my mouth when just when can I have a steak?
How did this help me? Well it allowed me to be able to cleanse my body just enough to reintroduce items one a time to see what was the real issue. Well I can say with great honesty that it is meat that is causing a great deal of my pain and discomfort. By the third day of my juicing fast granted I was hungry (for meat) but I felt better than I have in almost a year.
It was another honest moment in my life and I realized that I truly have the power to fight the evil within me (the sickness).
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